Thursday, March 26, 2009


Once again, reporting that I'm not pregnant. You know I must admit this is one of the hardest things for me to write about.  I see my friends blogs and they are all having babies and growing their families.  I'm left behind with nothing.  April will be our 6th month trying, and I'm feeling not really frustrated or stressed at all but honestly just heartbroken.  This is the one thing in my life I have ever wanted.  I want to be a mommy, I want to be able to deliver my own child.  I don't mean to sound like a pessimist but I'm starting to feel like is that a real possibility?  Am I doing something in my life that's wrong and I'm being punished in some way?  I just don't understand that stupid crack moms can get pregnant and throw their babies in dumpsters and here I am wanting a baby more than anything and I can't have one.  All I want is a healthy, pooping, crying, waking up at all hours of the night, baby.  Is that too much to ask for?  


Angie said...

oh Al, that is such a hard thing to go through. You should read this blog,
go back into her archives and read, she struggled with infertility for years and blogged about it. she's a great writer and really inspirational! but i'm sure it will happen for you Allie! and i'm sure it won't take years.
I just wish I was as brave as you, we've been married for 2 years and i still don't feel ready! way to go. it will happen i'm sure.

Calee said...

Yuck; it is the worst thing ever to feel like life is passing you by. I can say that because I've been in your shoes. I watched friends and coworkers have babies and start families and I just watched as a bystander. Sometimes I would start to second guess myself and think, is it really time for this stuff in my life right now? Is that why nothing has happened? Maybe I should be focusing on something else?
I quit thinking about it all the time and just figured that if I was doing what I was supposed to with my life at the moment then the future would work itself out. Today is my 5(!) year anniversary and I am just now pregnant, so don't feel bad or that something is wrong with you!

Calee said...

PS sorry for the novel:)

The Bowldens said...

this just breaks my heart

Kat said...

Allie, love you tons. You're in our prayers always.

Anonymous said...

Hey Allison, try to stop trying so hard. That is why you can't. Get distracted with something else. And don't be a crack head. That is not in the choice of list of distractions. love you and I too will send you a prayer.
Love, Aunt Marcie